Bucket List

Note: This first appeared on the now-defunct comedy website, Nearly Robots in 2012.

When my editor asked me to come up with a personal Bucket List for 2013, I have to admit; I didn’t think I was up to the challenge. It was a topic on which I had minimal pre-existing knowledge. However, thanks to some tough investigative research, I think I’ve compiled a pretty detailed list. Not only that, but I learned a hell of a lot along the way too.

“Open-ended containers with flat bottoms have existed since ancient times.” – The Internet

“The one similarity that all types of buckets share is their ability to store and/or move liquid and earth or debris.” – The Internet, Again

Metal Bucket: This is the classic bucket, although it’s not as prevalent anymore due to the cost of plastic being cheaper. A metal bucket can really take a beating, so they’re a favourite for construction workers, janitors, fishermen, and poo-shovelers. If you have a heavy duty job, this is your bucket.

Plastic Bucket: This is the tried and true bucket. Whether you’re mopping the floor or hand-washing your dainties, the plastic bucket is in it for the long haul. Much like people, the plastic bucket comes in different shapes, sizes, and colours and, much like people, you can cram a fistful of dirty rags into it. All in all, a really solid bucket.

Wooden Bucket: First of all, I know what you’re thinking. “A wooden bucket? What is this, Medieval Germany?” but hold your horses. For potable liquids, like milk and wine, a wooden bucket is ideal because it won’t negatively affect the flavour. However, if you’re transporting a hot liquid, like cider or lava, best to use an iron bucket. A timeless bucket, to be sure.

Decorative Bucket: This is a bucket that makes no false pretences to functionality. In the Middle Ages, ancient ceremonial buckets were known by their Latin name, situla. In the contemporary Midwestern United States, a ceremonial or decorative bucket is known by the title “Fancy Bucket.” A decorative bucket can be used to hold seasonal gourds, cacti, or a selection of varying conifer cones. A bucket with a rich and compelling history.

That’s my Bucket List for 2013. If the world makes it through another year, I’ll be back with another one next year; bigger, badder, and bucketier.


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