Why Nice Girls Love Dirty Hip Hop

Note: This first appeared on the now-defunct comedy website, Nearly Robots in 2012.

It is no secret that many conservatively raised, suburban, white girls love them some dirty, nasty, hip hop; the type that would make ODB cringe. The weird part is, a lot of the music involves some pretty degrading lyrics regarding women. So what’s going on here? The last time I checked, my self-respect was hovering somewhere in the 70th to 75th percentile – a full 100 percent being Beyonce in a pant-suit sitting in the control hub of a Transformer robot made of emasculated men. In short, my self esteem is low enough that I’ll eat food that fell on the ground, but high enough that I doubt I’d respond consensually if someone yelled at me to “bend over hoe and show me what you’re working with!” But when Mystikal yells it at me in the song “Shake Ya Ass,” I do shake my ass, willingly! Further, I bike rode home yesterday while loudly singing, “GOT A MAIN BITCH, GOT A MISTRESS, COUPLE GIRLFRIENDS, I’M SO HOOD RICH!” What is going through a girl’s head when she yells these horrible things with proud conviction?

The question came to me while listening to Ludacris’ “Move Bitch.” My favourite part of the song is the second verse, which happens to be Mystikal’s verse (that man just has a gritty, violently offensive place in my heart). I remembered once rapping along with Mystikal in front of a boy. I believe the section that I chose went a little something like this:

“I fuck the crowd up – that’s what I do
Young and successful – a sex symbol
Now bitches want me to fuck em- true, true
Hold up wait up, shorty
Oh wazzzupp, get my dick sucked, what are yoouu doin’?”

The last two lines are spoken in the grimiest, sleaziest voice that you will ever hear and I passionately imitate it every time. The boy I was with told me that I liked it because “it turned me on.” I had to think about that for a minute. After all these years of what I thought was genuine hip hop adoration, did I really just subconsciously want to “get took home” by Mystikal? Was it turning me on? The possibility lingered in my mind until about the last “move bitch get out the way” of the song, which I yelled with violent revelry. Immediately I realized that there was no way in hell that I wanted to get took home by Mystikal – this music just makes me feel like a fucking badass.  It fills me with a healthy aggressive energy that is then channeled entirely into dutty wining, the only true productive outlet for such energy.  It’s like a windmill of rage.

If “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” comes on and I’m telling you “ooh baby I like it raw,” look into my eyes. I am not turned on. I am ODB, I am fucking crazy, and I might set your house on fire. It has nothing to do with gender; you put “Ante Up” on and suddenly everyone feels like a felon. That’s just science. The only reason it’s weird for girls is because most of the time, the really aggressive lyrics involve talking about your dick or having sex with women. But even that’s starting to change. Thanks to female rappers like Azealia Banks and Amanda Blank, who rap with a Mystikal level of indiscretion.

Shouting out filthy lyrics is just a healthy way to release aggression, and that shit will kill you if you keep it all bottled up inside. We’ve got a lot of animal in us still, and I don’t mean the tasty kind like cow or chicken, but the wild kind like a tiger or an elephant on meth. In the end, it’s not really about gender, or sex, or disrespect. It’s about the cathartic release of aggression. That, and nerdy White people pretending to be cool Black people.


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